Dismissal of Zero
by Sithking Zero
Summary: Louise summons a familiar, it's a crossover character, blah, blah, blah. You've seen it before. But usually, familiars aren't this... dismissive, of the young mage and her society. God help them. Crack.


Sithking Zero: There is a place called, "Hell," and because of this story, I am going to it. Because of these characters that aren't mine, obviously.

Dismissal of Zero

A "WTF" crossover story between

Mass Effect and

Familiar of Zero

Tristainian School of Magic

"I beg of you… my servant who lives somewhere in the universe! Oh sacred, beautiful and strong familiar spirit! I desire and here I plead from my heart! Answer to my guidance!"

So chanted the short, latecomer to puberty Louise, mage in training, as she attempted (once again,) to summon a Familiar, a magical guardian, from somewhere in the world.

And, as usual, it looked like she was failing.

Kirche von Zerbst giggled behind her hand, causing Louise' concentration to slip slightly, forming a massive explosion.

Professor Colbert stepped forwards and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Louise, but this is the third time that you have performed the summoning ritual, without success. You'll have to try again next year."

"N-no! I'm a noble, I have magic! You have to let me try again!" she threw herself at his feet, begging and pleading, even as the rest of the class began to laugh openly at her failure.

"I'm sorry, Louise, but you have already-"

"What's going on, where in the hells am I?" came a strange, flanging voice from the smoke.

A humanoid figure stepped out of the crater, coughing slightly. As one, the class gasped at the strange figure.

It was clothed from head to neck in red, white, and blue armor of a most bizarre make. It didn't appear to be metal, but it wasn't made of wood, or stone, or any other type of material known. It had three-fingered hands, one of which appeared to be grasping a bizarre, blocky pistol. Most curious of all, though, was the head, which appeared vaguely avian, but covered in bone plates. Strange symbols were painted all over his face.

"I asked a question, where-?" he stopped as he looked around, "Oh, great, more humans. They weren't bad enough with their accusations of Reapers, they had to kidnap me in the middle of a renaissance fair."

Louise regained her voice first. "Who… what are you?"

"If you don't know who I am, you're already too stupid to help. And I'm a Turian! What do you think-?"

Louise had tackled him mid-word, and planted a kiss on his cheek. This left him in an optimal position to throw her off, directly into Professor Colbert, knocking both to the ground. That was, of course, before horrible lines of energy began to burn their way into his arm. However, he was a proud Turian, he had made his way up the social ranks with force of will and strength of body, and he was not willing to back down from this. Thus, no whimper came from his mouth, though he was stiff for a moment.

Professor Colbert stumbled to his feet.

"Well, Louise, you managed to do it. This… Turian… is now your familiar. He will obey all of your commands, from the smallest to the largest, and-"

"I. Would rather. Die. Human."

Colbert's head spun around. "W-what?"

"You heard me. I will not be a… _slave…"_ he spoke the word as if it was the foulest expression available (which it was), "To anyone… much less a _human."_

"B-b-but, you're my familiar! I did the bonding contract with you! You have to obey me!"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't. Now, where's the nearest spaceport? I need to get back to the Citadel."

Aware of the rest of the class now laughing at her misfortune, Louise had had the last straw.

She raised her wand at the retreating back of the 'Turian.' He paused.

"You don't want to do that. I will bring out the heavy weapons."

Ignoring his words, she released the spell…

Which he dodged, avoiding completely, while smoothly bringing out his pistol. With a squeeze of a trigger, a mass effect field hyper-accelerated a sand-sized particle of metal, propelling it from his weapon and into Louise's hand, reducing it to a bloody mist.

She dropped to the ground, sobbing, while curling into a fetal position.

As she lay there, other mages began to charge their own attacks, while the Turian simply asked, "Hmm… I was trying to kill you there, but this symbol on my hand made me stop. Why is that?"

"Th-th-that's the fa-fa-familiar mark," She sobbed, "It symbolizes the co-co-contract-"

"You forced me to this, kid, but you've given me no choice," he interrupted. He put his pistol back into its holster, before raising his arms and curling his fingers twice.

"Ah, yes, Familiar Contract," Councilor Valeren stated, "The bond of energy binding this human to myself, and making me her slave?" He glared at her, "I HAVE DISMISSED THIS CLAIM."

And just like that, the mark vanished from his arm.

Colbert, and the Headmaster (who had shown up in the last five minutes), were thunderstruck.

"You… you can't…" Colbert was, by this point, flopping his gums like a fish, while the Headmaster wasn't much better. He was coherent, though.

"You can't do that! It… It violates every rule of magic!"

Valeren glared at the insolent humans.

"I am Counselor Valeren of the Turian Heirarchy. And I suspect that you're going to try to use 'magic,' to restrain me. So you leave me no choice."

He took up his earlier stance, flexing his fingers again, "Ah, yes, 'magic.' The belief in supernatural energy forces, used to manipulate the physical world?" He waved the now markless hand, "I have dismissed this claim."

And all of a sudden, all over the world, magic suddenly stopped existing.

As the mages began to cry out, Valeren took in the screams of the humans, and thought… 'It is good.'

And so, he took up his pose one last time.

"Ah, yes, 'Valeren isn't on the Citadel.' The belief that I am not in my office at this exact moment? I have dismissed that claim," and he vanished to his office.

The world changed drastically. Peasants, now no longer trapped under the aristocracy by the threat of magic, began a rebellion. Every former mage in the world was hunted down and slaughtered in revenge for millennia of hardship, except for Kirche, who became a prostitute, and Louise, who escaped and eventually died in a gutter. No one cared. As a kicker, Siesta was elected the first president of the world.

Valeren was eventually brought up on parking charges on the Citadel for double-parking, but those crimes were later dismissed.

The End!

Sithking Zero: What.


End file.
